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WYDU's Guide To Cheap Summer Drinking

by Travis on July 13, 2007

Its a rough economy out there these days. Unemployment is up, the interest rates are going through the roof, and the price of hookers is steadily rising. Maybe you are not on top of your pimpin’ game or the dime bag sales are down. It happens to the best of us. We here at WYDU are all struggling to make ends meet. We feel your pain. Everyone, including pseudo internet celebrities, go through tough economic times sometimes.

When the wallet is empty and that Alize bottle is dry and you still feel the need to “drink away the pain”, there are some cheap alcoholic substitutions that can be found at your local gully liquor store. When you need more bang for the buck and you could give a shit less what people think when you approach the counter with some cheap ass whino brew, just follow this handy little guide that will contain everything from the cheap frat boy beers to the ghetto ass brews from the inner cities.

Cheap Frat Boy Beers

Pabst Blue Ribbon
Price: $6.29 a 12 pack

This is the ultimate frat boy/broke ass beer. Pabst is easily found anywhere and usually cheap as hell. I’m not a big fan of this stuff out of cans, it tastes like it was distilled through tin foil, but luckily enough Pabst is found in abundance in dive bars and neighborhood swill spots for cheap, sometimes $1 to $1.50 a pint, which is about 10 rolls of pennies and its not all that bad out of the tap. I highly suggest grabbing a pint or two at the bar when you are on a budget.

Milwaukee’s Best

price: $6.29/12 $1.59 for 32oz bottle

Ahhhh, yes, the “Beast”. I have fond memories of this college lager. We used to have a beer bong (what college frat boy didn’t?) named Mr. Whitmore after our high school Spanish teacher that we nearly drove to retirement. Before we turned 21, we’d throw three “Beasts” in Whitmore and chug-a-lug before going to the horse track, just in case we couldn’t find some vendor to sell us beer there. It would be the only way I’d be able to drink the “Beast” for a long time. We used to take it camping with us as well and it wouldn’t taste decent until about the fourth one. These days, it’s not all that bad. I even bought a 32 oz bottle in the grocery store here not long ago on a Sunday when I wanted a beer and the liquor stores were closed. Most of the grocery stores in Denver at least, carry the 32 oz bottles for fairly cheap. I’d buy a 12 pack of this before I bought a twelver of PBR. They are both watered down shit, so does it really matter?

Miller High Life
price: $1.99 for a 40 oz

The “Champagne Of Bottled Beers”, the official motto of this piss water. I’ve never been a big fan of the “High Life”, but it seems to go over pretty good in certain circles during certain times. The last time I tasted one, I thought it tasted similar to a malt liquor, without the kick. If I’m going to drink something that tastes like malt liquor, it better kick me on my ass. I’ll mention it, although you can find some stuff cheaper with more kick….we are talking value for the buck after all.

Keystone & Keystone Ice
price: $6.99 for a 12 of Keystone, $1.00 for 24 oz Tallboys for both Keystone and Key Ice

This is my personal favorite. Keystone is like water and a Coors product, so it’s all good to me. You can drink a lot for a long time and not feel any ill effects. Keystone Ice on the other hand comes in at 5.9% alcohol content and is best bought in the tallboys. They are a little rougher to swallow, but down about 6 of those Key Ice tall boys and you’ll be feeling it, and all for six bucks.

Malt Liquors aka 40′s

Okay, if you are hell bent on getting bent and only have couch change to spend, your best best is swallowing your pride and grab a forty or two of Malt Liquor. You are not drinking these for taste and thats a good thing, because most of these taste like the sweat off an elephants ball sack (not that I would know what that tastes like).

Colt 45
price: Not sure…it’s been awhile, but it’s cheap

The malt liquor of choice for Billy Dee Williams. How can you go wrong with that? I think I’ve only had one of these bad boys my entire life so I can’t tell you if its any good or not. Coming in at only 5.7% alcohol content, you can do much better than this.

Evil Eye
price: $2.25(?)

At a walloping 10% alcohol content, this stuff will grow hair in places on your body that you never knew you could. The buzz will be needed to get through this concoction of what tastes like water that old pennies have been soaking in for a couple of days. It’s truly some nasty shit, but you are a broke bitch that is only concerned
about getting your drink on, so no bitching. But be warned, you better be a seasoned drinker to tackle this stuff which means no rookies allowed.

Funny story concerning this stuff. I had just moved to Denver and didn’t really know anyone. I was working as a merchandiser for Dreyer’s Ice Cream (Edy’s for you east coast cats). My driver took me to lunch/dinner after our shift and we had a couple of pitchers of beer. I went home and was flat broke for the most part and had been fighting with my g/f. I decided I just wanted to get good and fucked up. I went to the corner liquor store and purchased a couple of bottles of this. My first time I ever tried it. It pretty much sucked but it got the job done. It also caused one hell of a black out. I woke the next morning in my boxer shorts, sprawled out across the kitchen floor with my cell phone laying next to me. Apparently, I drunk dialed just about everyone I knew from back home. Drink with caution.

Olde English 800
price $2.59ish

The malt liquor drank by your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper. Its famous, face it. I’ve had my fair share of run ins with this bad boy. It tastes like a piece of charcoal wood floating around in water, but it works. The OG version is only 5.9% but the newer Olde English 800 HG (High Gravity for you novices) packs an 8.0% punch that is more bang for the same price, although I’ve heard some people say it tastes much worse than the original.

When I was in my “white rapper wannabe” stage in my life, I’d drink quite a few of these. Usually one would do the trick. I sat out my third semester of college after having back surgery. I was only working about 20 hours a week, so I’d go over to my buddy’s place and we’d play pool in his garage, drink a couple of 40′s of OE while listening to 2pac….those were the days.

Steel Reserve 211 High Gravity Lager

I was introduced to this brew until I started hanging out with this big black dude from Washington DC who I used to work with and play madden with. It was the only shit he would drink. I personally don’t mind the stuff and it has like a 7.5% alcohol content, so it will do the trick. You can buy this stuff in 40′s, tall boy cans or a regular 12 pack.

Little music to get your drink on…..
1. Intro
2. Drink Wit’ Me
3. Playa Shit
4. Drunk Biches – AMG, Vell Bakardy
5. Fantasy (It’s Reality)
6. Up in the Hood
7. Deep Shit
8. Forever
9. F.A.T.H.A.
10. Liqua Ndustry – AMG, Vell Bakardy
11. Daddy’s Lil Angel
12. Typical Day
13. Little Kids (Who’s the Man With the Master Plan?)
14. Life’s So Hard
15. Came Up

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